Farting at Work

 Everyone knows that if you have to fart, you should go to the bathroom. But how far should you have to go in? I get that it's probably bad form to crack the door open, stick your ass in, and let 'er rip. 

Or is it? 

Would this pass muster as 'use the bathroom'?

Okay, you step in and let's say there's a couple people at the sinks. Should you go into a stall? Is it okay to simply crop dust the whole place? Or should you stand there, like a deer caught in the headlights while you 'blow out the candles'?

What about eye contact? Should you lock eyes with the highest rank in there while you beef? Should you wink and shoot an air gun at them afterward?

Other assorted questions/comments I have:

What is the protocol for lifting your leg/ass cheek? What about 'pull my finger'?

Should one limit the pulling of another's head to your ass as you fart to the interns and night shift only?

If housekeeping is there, leave. One should quickly find a quiet, out of the way hall to crop dust. If it's Taco Tuesday, then stop by Karl in sales. Begin the bombing run just past Carlie, shoot your air guns at Karl while winking, and swing back home by way of the VP of customer service. Hopefully you'll catch Karl with his mouth open.

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